I Am Unique

Each individual is different. No matter how much we try and copy we cannot be like someone else. But, yes we can  learn from others and imbibe those things in ourselves. No this does not mean to copy and change from what we are. It means you take that learning experience and adorn it into your own personality.

I've a group of friends from old college days. When we were young and stayign together in hostel our lives were entwined. Today we all are grown up and married. We all have our own families and our own social crowd.  One has been married for now close to 10 years and has a 5 year old son. She appears all settled and is very poised. The other has been married close to 4 years (I guess). She is living life at her own terms. Does have some ups and downs. Managing herself in a joint - rich family. She is very simple by heart. Another one is been married for 2.5 years now. Has a new born baby and is all settled in US. She is still head strong and is not very emotional or open about her feelings. And lastly, it's me. I've been married for again 2.5 years and have been a mix of all the above.

Yesterday I met them after a long gap and I felt I've lost the social touch. I've lost the way of talking to people. I went into a low phase and then in a retrospective phase. I wonder what was wrong with me? Is it because I've not had a social crowd? Is it because for the past 10 years I've been mainly dealing with boys/men? or Is it that I've always been bad at conversation.

I still am trying to figure that out, but also taking an extra step of being cautious of what I speak and how I speak. Now I'm a married lady and I should be behaving like one. I've to weigh each and every word I say. Not be too out spoken and also not speak much about myself. I guess that should help me work on my communication skills for some time.

Another conclusion I've been able to draw is that we are all unique. So I should be proud of who I am and not try and change and become someone else. I think I can manage that!!

"First" for a new Day

We wake up to a new day and to a new start. Today was the day when I was supposed to drive on my own and today was the day when my Dhruv was supposed to take his first bus ride in Columbus. Yes the "First" day as we say.

In an attempt to do it, the very first was Dhruv waking up at 5:30 am in the morning. Yes, it's not impossible. He does wake up that early only when we have to travel. But, on other days.. chalta hai yaar...So he wakes up early and is ready to go for bath at 6:00 am. Wow!! Luckily, I do not have much kitchen work as we have lunch already packed and so was breakfast. He is ready by 6:45 and is raving to go. I on the other hand have infinite butterflies in my stomach.

Around the same time, we have a look outside and guess what... it just started snowing and raining in the same time. Wonder what is the weather up to now. The guilt sets in. How is Dhruv going to go in this rain. It's cold and it's dark. But, as stubborn as we are both, he decided to venture out to catch either 18 or 61 (bus numbers). And so his journey starts.

Meanwhile, I am getting ready to roll on. Keeping passing time and delaying my stepping out as much as I can. I peep through the window and by now what is see is a white blanket of snow enveloping the car. Hmmm, this test is just getting tough. I look outside to see what others are doing, but can't see anyone out there.. Slowly, I move out of the house with heavy steps and down the stairs.

I come out and luckily for me I see someone cleaning his car. So as per Dhruv's instructions I open the car's booty and out comes the brush. I see how the other guy is cleaning his car from the corner of the eye and start brushing our car in the same way. After doing a decent job, I mean after freezing my hands to numbness, I climb inside the cold car. I switch on the heater, the wiper, start adjusting my seat and the mirrors, I put on the GPS for safety. I am reminded of Dhruv's instructions to carry my charger, which I did not pick up but am too lazy to step out now. Also, it had taken me an enormous effort to start my journey and I could not re start it. So I settle down, cold and confused. Slowly after all adjustments and settings done, I start the drive.

I continuously remind myself to be on right side and to see for cars coming abruptly. All well and good so far. Traffic at snail pace on Hayden Rd. Fine, I can do that. Nooo, what do i see now? Am reaching the crossing of Frantz Rd and Rings Rd. I am supposed to go left from Frantz. I have been given certain instructions how to cross on right. But, this is different. It's blinking yellow and there are a few cars at junction. I quickly study what people are doing around. Ok, the first to come goes first. But, this is still confusing. I dread this crossing. I have other thoughts, should I just go straight and find a U turn or find some other road. What should I do. Gitu, come on think fast. I decide to stick to left after a lot of deliberation. So slowly and smoothly I tackle this situation. Rest all drive seems decent for now and so I reach office safe and sound. Close everything. Lock everything and am now ready to kick start a new day.

Thanks Dhruv for trusting me and thanks for doing all this for me.

Gluten Allergy - Yes I have it!

I had heard this word when I was in US, but never bothered to know more about it. It is one of those things that do not interest you much. Little did I know that this word would change my life drastically. Gluten allergy, yes I have it. The count was 385 as on Sep 29, 2012. The count for a non gluten allergy whereas lies between 0-10.

How did it happen? Even I don't know. I had these on going stomach problems but not so huge that I could not handle. I could not eat out much as I was prone to food-poisoning. I had amoebiasis at the age of 10 I guess (my sister would remember it right). I have always loved eating fruits. I had disciplined habits concerning my food. I'm not a junk food eater, so why did it happen? I still wonder. For now, let me put it to some bad karma of my past life.

How did I figure it? I was having some stomach problems again and it varied to extremes. One night I woke up crying with a severe stomach ache. To rush me into emergency, Anu took me to the closest  hospital (a government one). After a day of being admitted, I had a bad experience with the doctor on round. So decided to leave the hospital in a rush without getting doctor's closure. Next day got an appointment with the Gastroenterologist. He started with endoscopy, colonoscopy and then some blood tests. This took around 2-3 weeks. And when I went to collect the last of my reports (TTGA result) it came positive. I knew something bad had happened. I still waited to show the report to the doctor. Once I showed it to him, he glance at it and said you will have to quit Wheat for the entire remaining life. You can now never have it. At that time I found his words like a sword piercing my stomach. My whole world came shattering in front of me.

The Aftermath; For some this may be meaningless  as they would have had bigger problems in life. But, for me that day was a dooms day. I was trying to hold back my tears all through the way from the hospital back to office. I controlled myself while talking to my folks, to Anu. I went to the washroom and cried my heart out. I had a trip coming to Europe to meet Dhruv after a 6 month separation. I decided to enjoy it to the fullest and once am back start my gluten free life. I had the best pizza in this world in Naples :)

After coming back, the struggle started to learn to eat non wheat roti, as that is what comprises my staple diet (roti). So i started trying Jowar, Bajra, Soya, Rice flours. It was a major battle for me. I was crying all over my roti as I could not make one. it just refused to roll and kept breaking. After struggling for a month, I just happened to find "Zero G" Gluten free atta. I was on top of the world. After days of suffering, I could now eat proper roti. And so I officially became gluten free. After following this regime for 6 months and before moving to US, I decided to have a tTG-IgA (gluten allergy/coeliac disease) test again. This time my count was 25.

The second phase of struggle came when I landed up in US. So now I have gluten allergy and to add on I am a pure vegetarian. I do not have eggs (in any form) or chicken or meat or fish or any other living item. Also, there was no "Zero G" Gluten free atta here. And so my struggle began again. I tried all pure forms of Jowar atta, but alas it was a failure. Meanwhile I also ordered atta ("Zero G") from India. Can you imagine? :D. Slowly I visited various websites where they taught how to make Gluten free atta. So now I have achieved this feat - Jowar+Xanthum+CornStarch= my roti. I'm used to this roti now, though wheat roti's smell and taste still lingers on (as I still make wheat roti's for Dhruv).

Meanwhile, I've also learned to make egg less gluten free chocolate cake :-). Maybe one day I'll eat a bit of wheat roti once am in the range 0-10 on my gluten allergy.

Amen!!

The Lost Spark

From where I stand today I wonder, 
what is there yonder.


The forest is dark and deep,
the path out is what I seek.


I don't know if I may every find,
the right path out of my mind.


As usual the mind is playing its tricks,
it would take a long time to get out of this.


I am forced to take small steps,
Cause I do not know what is next.


For what I seek may not be out,
It may just be there like a doubt.


I just need to be strong,
and let the storm not bring me down.


I will not let the darkness win,
Cause where I stand I have a strong belief within.


For I shall conquer thy one day,
And I am here to stay.


No matter how fuzzy it gets,
I will try and remove it from my head.


I will fight my way,
and get the spark back again to play.