Why did I get married?

A frustration for a day but I guess it's genuine. Numerous times in this short stint of my marriage I have asked this question – Why did I get married?

There are certain aspects where I find it difficult to reason it out.

1. Because I am married, I am in America
2. Because I am married, I can’t stay with my parents
3. Because I am married, I need to go and meet my in-laws
4. Because I am married, I need to cook food for 2 people
5. Because I am married, I can’t meet my relatives
6. Because I am married, I need to shop along
7. Because I am married, I need to do things that my partner wants
8. Because I am married, I need to bring in kids
9. Because I am married, I can’t take a decision all by myself
10. Because I am married, I need to adjust
11. Because I am married, I need to work here
12. Because I am married, I don’t have a car

 There are many things which you need to learn in this life. Out of which one is being a part of your husband's family. Planning a trip to India and I'm totally excited. Just talked to my husband and he says his folks want me to go to their home town for some puja. At that very moment, the whole excitement wears off. I have nothing left to say.

I have not once asked him to meet my relatives. Nor does he bother. For him it's who's who? He does not care. Why then ask me to meet his relatives or go to his hometown.

Moments like this always makes me question "Why did I get married" I was quite happy with my parents being just my parents.

Moving to India - Noida Chapter

Life changes many clothes. Some looked good and some make us look ugly.

I am right now in one of the ugly clothing's. From where I stand now, nothing looks good.

Who said it's going to be easy in Noida. It's NOT. From the day we have walked in here, it has just been bad. I thought it was a settling issue, but it's more than that.

It started with having to stay with parents. I was ready to move out, the day he came back from his trip to his home. He said no, let's stay a few days longer. As per him, it was for me.

We moved to the rented house and there were stuff to be fixed, things to be done, some items to be bought. Reluctance was all way through to get any of this completed. Got few things done. Every weekend spent in household work. Even if we did get a break, the strain of other things was so high, that I don't even know when we relaxed.

My stress increased in Job, health issues arose, continuous hearing from folks about his work, ask by them to go for another treatment, do all the chores in the house, get things fixed in the house, etc. How much and how long am I supposed to take all this.

We became mechanical, our relationship has strained, there is no attraction for now. I don't want this to happen. I have been trying to make it work. But, we had a showdown yesterday.

I liked a house and wanted to go for it, but he said let's search for more. Search where? I asked him what has been your contribution so far? Just driving till there? This blew him off.

As per him, I do not know what he wants and what he feels. Yes, I do not know because it was never expressed. What was expressed were jokes, mockery of things, news from the world, things which had no meaning for our life together. If I take some actions, it's all meant to be my decisions. I drive everything in the house. He never took the fore front, so what am I to do? But, he never understood.

He never understood, I want a husband, who is strong, independent, can take his own decisions and also drive decisions towards this house. I want a husband, having a good life style, who can interact with people smartly, who can get household services done, who can tell people what to do.

We talked yesterday of the issues and concluded it's all about communication. Way back home, he told me about his office things.

"I went to Mr X, who was coughing. Asked him is he fine? He said Ok. I said Ok and I came back". Tell me how to react!

I did not feel like talking to him all the way y'day nor today. I don't know how long will it take for me to be normal and back to self.

But, for now it's just UGLY

Moving to India - Page 2

26 Nov 2016

Next day being a Saturday we had planned to leave early for looking at the house. We got up early, waited for everyone else in the house to wake up. Had a nice warm breakfast, and then we set on the adventure to see the apartment. We had purchased an apartment in Kadugodi around 2012.

When we reached at our apartment, we were in a state of shock to see the amount of dirt accumulated and cobwebs accumulated in the house.  So the first thing that we decided to start was to get the house cleaned up. Ram got hold of the cleaning team. Did the negotiations in the local language and we got that started.

While I decided to stay in the house to get the cleaning done, Ram and Dhruv moved on the next item on the TODO Gas connection. He and Dhruv went to get the gas connection work done. When they reached the Gas agency after spending 1 hr on the road in place of 15 mins, they found that Indane gas agency is not accepting any new connections on Saturday and will take that only on Monday - Friday. Disappointed, but not giving up  it was then decided to take the HP gas connection. They agreed to give the new connection but before that they would need to inspect the gas. 

Moving to India - Page 1

25 Nov 2016

I am not going through the prequel of how and what happened before and who all are the lead characters. Let me just start from the point when we moved  to Bangalore or let's stay it started from 25 Nov evening, when we landed in Bangalore.

We had presumed Ola booking from airport would be easy. But, what the hell vodafone roaming network completely gave up on me. We ran here and there trying to figure out how to reach Shruti's place. Shruti is Dhruv's sister. Somehow we found one of the bookies for Ola and took his help to get our cab booked. We got into the cab and then what was supposed to be a 40 min journey turned out to be a 2 hr journey where we learned everything about the Cab drivers family, kids, work etc. We even learned that you can get a cheaper car from the market if you say you are going to use it for Ola.  Don't ask me how now?

Anyways we reached Chiya's place close to dinner time. Had a nice warm welcome, dinner and then pushed off to close the day. We met Mahi and Bhanu. Had a nice chit chat.

Return to Tennis - Session 1

As part of my New Year resolution which is more than half gone though, I decided to get back into Tennis. Now, a year and a half back I did start learning Tennis. I did the beginners course. Then took a break in winters. Started next with the Advanced Beginners course. Sprained my foot in that duration while playing with Dhruv. And then a year and a half later I again enrolled myself back into the Beginners class.

So now, not wanting to forget the basics I was taught I decided to write down what I learnt yesterday.

So here are the things I learnt from Session 1

• The session started with understanding the grip and the Tennis racquet. The face, butt, grip etc.

• To hit the ball, the steps are: Bounce, Step and Hit. Remember to take a step on the opposite side.

• Second, was the simple stroke forward facing. Don't twist the wrist. Make a swing and then fall over. 

• Third, was the backhand just using the left hand and with both hands together. Using just the left hand was quite difficult

• Fourth we learnt the Volley shot both Front hand and Back hand

• Lastly, how to pick the ball smartly :)

Overall I really had a fun time. 

1st Milestone Achieved - 5 Years

It's so hard to believe that it's been 5 years since we have been tied together in this relationship called "Marriage". It only feels like yesterday when we were still trying to make up our minds to lead the rest of our life together. So many things and so many memories. Hard to put it in a concise manner, but I'll give it a try.

Chapter 1 : The beginning

We both agreed to get married and the date was decided as 29 Apr 2011. After the ceremonies, we spent few hours together, while still wondering what had suddenly changed. Not much changed for us, as we moved to our respective work places. I traveled later to US to be close to you yet far. In a way it was nice, as we both were slowly discovering things about each other. This involved weekend travels and the excitement to see each other for those few hours. Did that mean we didn't argue? No you are absolutely wrong!! We did, in fact I do remember you of all the people actually cancelled your ticket because we had an argument and I was crying. By November we decided that I would move and join you and bring an end to these travels. It was a tough decision, but we had no other choice. So came my first stint of being a true home maker with no job. Few months went by, and we decided that we will try and move back to India. I got a job back in India and by March of 2012 I was set for another adventurous journey. Another day I cannot forget is when we both sat and cried while packing my stuff.

Chapter 2: Distance makes heart go fonder

We were now 8000+ of miles apart. It didn't feel right! But, we hoped that we'll be together again. I was back to the grind and so were you. We started leading forced bachelor days where it seemed we were dating each other. We talked hours and hours on the phone - Morning and Evening. We skyped with each other on the weekends. We were together on an altogether a different plane. It was tough as were trying all the time to keep the hopes high. We celebrated our 1st anniversary and your birthday away from each other, but still being in love. To remove all these woes was our Europe trip, planned around my birthday. It was an adventure by itself. You came from US while I from India. We roamed around the place completely in love. I with you and you with the place. Ha Ha! Just teasing. It was fun, just that.  This year I also did my e-karwa chauth. Few more months and we decided that I was to join you back in US as your moving to India was not working out.

Chapter 3:  Strength testing

We again celebrated our anniversary while I was in India and you in US. I joined you back in Columbus around May 2013. A few days later I got the news that my visa was denied and I was to be a full time homemaker. This was our true strength testing. You were the strong pillar. I cried, I lost confidence, I was sad, I was silent, I went into depression. But you were there for me all the time. You pushed me into doing things I would have never thought of doing. Looking back today, I am grateful to you for doing all the extra push. I have learnt so many new things, I connected with so many people, and I regained my lost confidence. This was also the year when my volunteering paid off. I got an employer ready to file my visa. You were there all along supporting me!

Chapter 4: Getting addicted

With each passing year, we were just getting addicted to each other. Like the old Vodafone ad, where ever you go  I follow. We just searched for instances to spend the time together. Trying new things and new adventure. Doing the 100 happy days together. You getting the chance to get back into polishing your hands on cartooning. And I getting all hand made cards from you.  Whatever short duration that happy days was, we did get to end the day in a happy note. Our venture into all book shops, buying books like crazy. Learning Tennis, going for Zumba, going for Yoga. A completely happening year. From October I started working regularly. It was a whole new adjustment. Going to office, coming back together. Sharing how our day went by. 

Chapter 5: Reaching a milestone

A busy year indeed, getting the Bangalore house, going through the treatment, working round the clock. Another testing year for us. We both were supporting each other through the hard time we were going through. Each failure, and each time pulling ourselves up to not loose hope. Time just went by. Slowly we started realizing that life was too lonely here. We started planning for 2016. With so many things going around, we planned our next big vacation to Peru, again close to my birthday. A lovely trip, and beautiful memories built around it. 

With those beautiful thoughts and memories, I can just say "I Love You". Thank you for being "You" and being there for me always!!

Happy 5th Anniversary

Resolutions!!

It's been some days into the New Year. But still it's never too late. Me and Dhruv decided to do New Year Resolutions. Both of us came up with 5 resolutions. I think, he came up with 4. He could not remember his 5th one. As the saying goes, it's good to put your resolutions up front, so that you see it everyday and work towards it. So we have done the same, but forget to see it everyday.

So here is my list of resolutions:

#1. Run 1/2 marathon. This has now been changed to 1/8 marathon because recently someone told me how many miles/ kms is 1/2 marathon. In addition, I was also told that it needs approximately a years training to reach there.

#2. Move back to India. When and how that happens, don't have an answer. But, want to be able to do that this year itself.

#3. Expand my hobbies/ skills. I want to learn one language - Spanish for now and be proficient in it. I also have this desire to learn pottery. Hopefully this year again. To add on also learn the courses I have bought for web development

#4. Bring in Active Lifestyle. Start walking/ gym/ run/ play. And till today zilch. It's too cold to even step out...So Laziness reigns here

#5. Read around 50 books. Till now just completed one and that is John Grisham's 'Chamber'. More on that would be coming in my next blog :D. If I ever get to write on it.

.. I can add some more, but let's just stick to these 5 for now. Will revisit is again to see where I am!