Life changes many clothes. Some looked good and some make us look ugly.
I am right now in one of the ugly clothing's. From where I stand now, nothing looks good.
Who said it's going to be easy in Noida. It's NOT. From the day we have walked in here, it has just been bad. I thought it was a settling issue, but it's more than that.
It started with having to stay with parents. I was ready to move out, the day he came back from his trip to his home. He said no, let's stay a few days longer. As per him, it was for me.
We moved to the rented house and there were stuff to be fixed, things to be done, some items to be bought. Reluctance was all way through to get any of this completed. Got few things done. Every weekend spent in household work. Even if we did get a break, the strain of other things was so high, that I don't even know when we relaxed.
My stress increased in Job, health issues arose, continuous hearing from folks about his work, ask by them to go for another treatment, do all the chores in the house, get things fixed in the house, etc. How much and how long am I supposed to take all this.
We became mechanical, our relationship has strained, there is no attraction for now. I don't want this to happen. I have been trying to make it work. But, we had a showdown yesterday.
I liked a house and wanted to go for it, but he said let's search for more. Search where? I asked him what has been your contribution so far? Just driving till there? This blew him off.
As per him, I do not know what he wants and what he feels. Yes, I do not know because it was never expressed. What was expressed were jokes, mockery of things, news from the world, things which had no meaning for our life together. If I take some actions, it's all meant to be my decisions. I drive everything in the house. He never took the fore front, so what am I to do? But, he never understood.
He never understood, I want a husband, who is strong, independent, can take his own decisions and also drive decisions towards this house. I want a husband, having a good life style, who can interact with people smartly, who can get household services done, who can tell people what to do.
We talked yesterday of the issues and concluded it's all about communication. Way back home, he told me about his office things.
"I went to Mr X, who was coughing. Asked him is he fine? He said Ok. I said Ok and I came back". Tell me how to react!
I did not feel like talking to him all the way y'day nor today. I don't know how long will it take for me to be normal and back to self.
But, for now it's just UGLY
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